Forgive
A new year means a fresh start for many. It is the quintessential opportunity to make new commitments. Besides the usual weight-loss goals, is there anything hanging around from last year that you really want to get rid of? Something you may want to add to your list is unforgiveness.
A lack of forgiveness causes people to act very strangely, for example:
A married couple had a quarrel and ended up giving each other the silent treatment. A week into their mute argument, the man realized he needed his wife's help. In order to catch a flight to Chicago for a business meeting, he had to get up at 5 a.m. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper: "Please wake me at 5 a.m." The next morning the man woke up only to discover his wife was already out of bed, it was 9 a.m. and his flight had long since departed. He was about to find his wife and demand an explanation when he found a piece of paper by the bed reading, "It's 5 a.m. Wake up!”
Where there is no forgiveness, nobody wins, not the potential forgiver or the “forgivee.” What dumb things is a lack of forgiveness forcing you to do?
People not only stop talking to individuals they love, many suffer physically because of stress-related illnesses that can be traced to pent-up anger and a lack of forgiveness. Some turn to violence, others turn to drugs or alcohol. Tragically, they all waste their most precious commodity: time. It could all be different if they were willing to utter three little words: I forgive you. Of course, there’s more to it than that. If you really want to be sincere when you offer those words, there is something you need to know: Forgiveness is undeserved.
It’s somewhat puzzling to hear someone say, “They don't deserve to be forgiven.” You might ask, “And what might they do to deserve your forgiveness?” Any attempt to answer that question will effectively nullify the meaning of forgiveness. It seems paradoxical, but one cannot deserve to be forgiven. It has to be undeserved in order to be true forgiveness!
Think about it, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgiveness if it is earned or somehow deserved. It must be accepted, but not earned. It is like a debt. If someone works to pay a debt, technically the debt is not “forgiven,” it is paid. However, if someone else pays it for you, then you can be “forgiven” the debt, if you choose to accept the payment.
Do you see the difference? If you’re waiting until someone deserves forgiveness before you’re willing to extend it to them, it will never happen. It can’t happen.
The Bible says to forgive “just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). When you received God’s forgiveness, did you deserve it? It was actually offered before you even knew you needed it! “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). You didn’t deserve to be forgiven, which is exactly why you could be forgiven.
Learn from God’s example. We seldom need to look beyond our own lives to know the extent of God's forgiveness. In Matthew 18 Jesus tells the story of a servant forgiven a huge debt by his master. The servant in turn refuses to forgive a much smaller debt owed by a fellow servant. The point is clear: accepting God’s forgiveness for our huge debt while not extending forgiveness to another is hypocritical. The irony is that our lack of forgiveness is only hurting us—not them!
Withholding forgiveness only punishes you. As has been said, trying to punish another by not forgiving them is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die! Most of the time the other person doesn’t know, or care, that you’re holding a grudge and withholding forgiveness. He or she goes on with life while you suffer.
Start the year right, take a minute to extend forgiveness to someone you need to forgive. You likely need it more than they do.
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.”
—Colossians 3:12-13