Families
There was an interesting study done by the Institute for Family Studies. It had to do with being married as it relates to happiness, specifically whether having a family makes one happier than those who don’t. Surprisingly, it found that merely wanting a family produced happiness.
James McQuivey, author of the paper written about the study, discovered the following:
… scoring higher on this measure (desiring a spouse and kids) predicted greater happiness and overall life satisfaction—regardless of whether or not the respondent was actually married or had kids!
Act on that desire, he adds, and your happiness jumps, while your life satisfaction (a separate metric) “practically leaps off the chart.”
In other words, contrary to the thesis that getting married and having kids dooms you to misery, committing to a family is one of the most effective means ever created to train people to care for others. And a cornerstone of psychology is that other-centeredness brings human beings happiness.
(John Stonestreet & Shane Morris, BREAKPOINT, The Pursuit of Family: Just Wanting It Makes You Happier, 12.5.19).
“Other-centeredness brings human beings happiness.” God didn’t need a human study to tell Him that when He created the family. And it is no surprise that “other-centeredness” is a central theme for His church.
Of all the metaphors for the church in scripture (body, branches, flock, bride, house, temple, etc.), one uniquely describes our relationship with each other: family. Families, in the classical sense, have responsibilities to one another not captured in the other metaphors. They care for, protect, provide for, discipline and hold accountable other members. Each, as in other pictures of the church, has a responsibility. But somewhat unique to the family metaphor is the responsibility of discipline.
The area of church discipline is a controversial one in our day. That might very well be related to the fact that family discipline is controversial in our day. In fact, the very definition of family has become controversial. Run for cover if you hold to a traditional (most would say biblical) view of the husband, wife and kids comprising the standard family. Of course there are exceptions, but they are just that: exceptions. Exceptions are not bad and can be very good as many who have been a part of single-parent homes know. “Exception” is simply non-standard, but can be very special.
However, you may have noticed our culture is pushing far beyond recognizing the standard with exceptions. They are moving toward disdain for the nuclear family—a family consisting of two parents (mom and dad) and their children.
Beyond the confusion over the definition of family is uncertainty over the flow of authority in the family. Parents, having been stripped of much of their basic power to enforce obedience, are routinely giving the upper hand over to unruly kids. It’s common to see parents portrayed in sitcoms as bewildered, helpless and hapless victims of profanity-laced tirades from their single-digit-aged child. It’s only funny since it's so close to reality in so many households. These kids then leave the nest, if they ever successfully launch, with no concept of authority.
This pattern of behavior would have been an utterly repulsive, unacceptable, alarming scenario to the Apostle Paul. He never could have imagined such a thing! Or could he? Actually, Paul predicted in his second epistle to Timothy that in the last days people would be “disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving…” (2 Timothy 3:2-3) among other things!
So back to the concept of discipline. Both in our society, with criminals going unpunished and being put back on the streets to commit more crimes, and in families, where kids never imagine a parent doing more than threatening a “timeout,” discipline is not being modeled. Increasingly, it’s up to the church to do the modeling.
There’s no substitute for the nuclear family, but the church can demonstrate that there is a flow of authority, instituted by God. Lovingly carrying out discipline and correction is prescribed for the family of God. It is no less prescribed for the families of God. And ultimately, there is no better way to truly care for others in your family, in the church, and in society at large.
“Prescribe these things as well, so that they may be above reproach.”
─1 Timothy 5:7